I have LOVED being a Worship Associate.
And I feel privileged to be the first among a group of representatives from the four associate programs – Worship, Pastoral, Outreach & Fellowship – who will be giving testimonials over the next several weeks.
When I signed on as a Worship Associate, I had only vague expectations. I didn’t think much about where I was going, but I thoroughly expected to enjoy the trip. I thought it would be fun, I supposed that there would be some challenge, and I imagined that I might experience some spiritual development. I looked forward to a new leadership position as a way to contribute and help shape worship here.
I had no idea what a profound, joyous, challenging, and rewarding experience it would be. This has been one of the most spiritual experiences of my life.
Why has this been so? I think it is because the changes in me have been both unexpected and deeply gratifying.
Poetry, for example.
I long ago lost interest. Too obscure, too pretentious, too out-dated. Except perhaps for Ogden Nash or Shel Silverstein.
But this year, that has changed. I have found poems that touch my deepest feelings, make me smile, warm my heart, evoke a tear. I am a happier person for this renewed connection. More profoundly, I have a strengthened spirituality.
Poetry helps me express this. This poem, Invictus by William Ernest Henley, was a pretty good statement of where I was, spiritually, for many years:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloodied, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
A bit harsh, perhaps? And for full disclosure, I’ve not worried too much about the “horror of the shade” since I left my fundamentalist faith. But I do want to live as though I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. I don’t have a poem for where I am spiritually now ~ at least not yet. The experience of this year has taught me that I have much to do spiritually and I have learned a bit about how to do it.
I used to look for answers. I used to believe I had them, if only for myself. I used to believe they were pretty well fixed. The joy of this year has been to discover new possibilities. I have found spiritual growth when I reconsider, when I open up to ideas I thought I’d abandoned long ago. I have learned that I cannot do this work alone and that I cannot devalue the spiritual seekings of others. As I have shared my spiritual beliefs and my spiritual path openly and honestly, you have done the same. I find that new understandings result. This holiday season I listened to the Christmas story – the Jesus story – with appreciation. Rather than recoil from the notion of the Christ as divinity, I was encouraged to think of the birth of my own children and grandchildren, to appreciate their divinity, and the divinity of every child. I could begin to understand the power of the Christmas story, not in the literal Christian sense, but as a universal story for the hope and joy occasioned by the birth of every child.
Doing spiritual work in community is all about the appreciation of differences. Here at South Church there are so many differences to appreciate, some harder than others for me:
My Worship Associate colleagues, for example, do not all want to function in the same way. Some want to do more, some less; some want the minister to have her hand on the rudder at all times, others long to be set loose to tackle the components of a service on their own.
Some church members love quiet, reflective services while others long for spontaneity, surprise, and even raucousness. Some find a Sunday without a formal sermon to be spiritually lacking, while others are deeply moved by music and readings.
Some folks love to clap; some want to scream “STOP” when we do.
Some of us need to hear God mentioned, at least from time to time if not regularly, others sing something else when the word turns up in a hymn. What I have taken to heart, is that my reaction to words and concepts is unique and personal. What moves me may well leave others cold. What puts me off may be exactly what others need. My spiritual growth is in understanding and appreciating that you give a gift to me when you affirm my spiritual path and I return the gift when I affirm yours, no matter how divergent those paths may be.
So… Why would I encourage each of you to consider becoming a Worship Associate one day? What’s in it for YOU?
¨ You will come to know your own spiritual self far more intimately
¨ You will never look at a Sunday service in the same way again
¨ You will connect with fascinating colleagues in deep, personal ways
¨ You will appreciate your spiritual home with an intensity that can take your breath away
You may have only a vague idea of where you are going when you start; I can say with confidence that your journey will be a fruitful one. Thank you for allowing me to have this wondrous experience.